13 Dec Why It’s So Hard To Understand Each Other, Sometimes…
So often we go into marriages with our own ideas, from our own lives and places of understanding. It’s hard to see someone else with ourselves and what we want in the way.
Understanding each other comes three main categories: Affection, Expectation, and Direction.
Affection – Everyone has their own way of how they either receive or interpret affection and love. However, if you only express love and affection based on the way way YOU interpret it, you may miss opportunities to connect with your spouse because your spouse may not interpret love and affection the same way you do. Sure, many spouses will evolve to be able to “pick-up” on how their spouse is attempting to love and affection based on familiarity. However, nothing says, “I see you and I value you,” quite like learning to love your spouse in the way DESIRE for love and affection to be communicated to them. This is addressed well in the “5 Love Languages” By Dr. Gary Chapman. Learning to SPEAK to each other in their native Love Language is one of the simplest yet greatest steps you can take towards understanding your spouse better because at any time, they are ready and willing to tell you exactly what the desire, no, NEED in order to feel loved by you.
Expectation – You both come from two different worlds. Beyond just being male and female, but two totally different home cultures. This means marriage may have meant something different to you before going into marriage and you each came with your own set of expectations of how marriage was supposed to be. For many, marriage begins with two expecting for marriage to be what they learned in their homes growing-However good, bad, or ugly.
When these two “worlds” try to coexist, you can choose 1 of 3 options: One either conquers the other (prison); They destroy each other (Divorce); OR they become one new world together and new flesh as per the Word. This is what we would call a healthy marriage. Not perfect, but healthy.
Merging your worlds is full of turbulence and compromise so, if you find that you and your spouse are experiencing more turbulence than compromise, we’d suggest a counselor trained in helping you see each other’s world.
Direction – This is close to expectations. as you build new expectations for your home, you both have to determine :
Where do we stand
Where are we headed
How do we get there
This is being equally Yoked.
You want to be in step with each other spiritually, financially, in understanding , in affection, and in marriage as a whole.
Your marriage is a constant dance of these 3 elements and few people get it right their first time on the dance floor. Practice loving your spouse the way they need to be loved. Practice throwing away all of your expectations and sitting down to forge agreements between each other. And lastly, set a family mission that determines your direction at all times.
How do you and your spouse show affection to one another? Share in the comments below?
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